Courier Kills Naruto, One Shot
by Ediros
Summary: Look Above. If it wasn't obvious enough, the whole point of this fiction is to kill the main protagonist of this franchise.
1. Chapter 1

"What the fuck just happened?" Courier muttered to himself as he took a look around.

The man wore a long sleeveless leather duster, covered with straps and reinforced with deathclaw skin and combat plates around the vital areas with an Old World Flag painted on its' back. His hair was covered by a red beret, his mouth with a breathing mask and a pair of lucky shades covering his eyes.

The place that looked like some sort of pre-war forest, which made absolutely no sense. Even Zion could not compare to the area surrounding him. He walked up to the nearest tree and put his hand on bit, before he bit his lip. _Of course something went wrong, why the hell did I listen to think Tank and tested their stupid device?! Just... fuck me... Well, whatever, let's see if I can meet someone who can tell me where the hell am I?_

He sighed, turned north and began walking. As he strolled through the forest, he suddenly heard rustling of leaves. Alarmed, the man drew his bowie knife, called Blood-Nap, with a streak of blood on the blade. He looked around, thermal vision active when he noticed a trio of signatures located on the trees. He was about to speak, when they jumped out and landed in front of him.

The courier raised his eyebrow as he stared at one of most the retarded faces he had ever seen. The man, had blond hair, blue eyes and some weird whiskers on his face. He also wore a weird black-orange jumpsuit. For whatever reason, he reminded the courier of a brain dead monkey, that had no clue what it was doing. The two other people, were a bit better. The first one was a female with a pink hair and a forehead too big for it's own good. The other man had a mask, grey hair and only one eye visible.

"Who the hell are you? And what do you want?" The man asked, his hand still on the knife.

"I am best ninja ever! My name is Naruto Uzumaki!" Naruto answered in a prideful tone, while the courier just gave the "ninja" a deadpan.

"Ninja? You are a Ninja? Seriously? I thought a ninja was supposed to be sneaky assassin, not a blond idiot, who wears an orange jumpsuit that doesn't provide any camouflage whatsoever," Courier deadpanned, before he rolled his eyes and let go of his weapon.

"I will become Hokage and you will come with us, spy!" Naruto declared, put his hands in some stupid position and summoned his shadow clones, some of them look like they had been lobotomized, and he could swear one was hitting himself with a hammer on it's head.

The courier looked a bit surprised, when he noticed the clones but just a little. After all he had seen, he found it really care to even be surprised in the first place. He then sighed and said, "Me, a spy? Are you really that stupid, or what? I don't even know where I am!"

"Silence, you shall come with us, then after I beat you and use my talk no jutsu, you will become my slave and best friend!" Naruto declared and hit his chest.

The courier then groaned, turned back and began walking, while the trio of "ninjas" stared at him stupidly not moving an inch. _What a brain dead idiot, I'd better go before I step down to his level_. He was about to take another step, when suddenly the clones jumped him and held him in place, while he just blinked his eyes at the situation.

He turned his head back and growled, "You really don't want to make me mad. Now, let me go, before I punch you in the face."

"Never! You are coming with us, whether you want it or not!" Naruto declared, while the two of his companions shrugged and left, leaving the "ninja" alone.

"Fine, if this is what you want, then I will show you why you don't fuck with the courier six!" Courier declared and summoned Fists of North Rawr, a pair of long claws made out of very powerful deathclaw called Rawr. He then smirked and tore through the clones, like they were made out of wet paper. He turned towards the boy, but before he could react, a blue ball of energy slammed into his chest.

"Oooodamama Rasengan!" The young yelled, before he sent the courier into the tree. The man growled, before he stood up royally pissed. Then he summoned custom made nine millimetre pistol, called Maria. It had gold engravings and a picture of Maria on the side of a handle.

The man then activated VATS, a combat mechanism that froze time and allowed the courier to target any part of the enemy's body. He chose to target all the limbs of the guy and pulled the trigger four times in a rapid succession, sending the boy screaming in pain to the ground.

He spit at the ground, before he hid the gun and left the whimpering boy behind him. He was about to leave, when suddenly he noticed bright orange light coming from behind him. He turned around and noticed that the boy had turned orange and had a tail for whatever reason.

Before he could react, the boy disappeared from his sight. He looked around frantically, when suddenly he noticed the boy in the air and an orange ball of energy heading towards him. The courier muttered, his eyes spread wide open, "Well… shit."

The sphere impacted the courier and blew up entire surrounding area in ten kilometres radius. In the meantime, Naruto landed on ground and ran towards the middle of impact, where he found a skeleton of the man, which looked completely intact. The boy raised his eyebrow, when suddenly he noticed an odd ball in courier's left hand. He walked up to it, pulled it out of the skeleton's head, while leaving the pin with the skeleton.

"What is this…?" The boy muttered as he inspected a holy hand grenade, shaped like frag grenade with a white cross on it. Then he could swear he heard "Time's up, you son of a bitch.", before the grenade in his hand blew up in his face. The explosion that happened blew up the entire area, killing the ninja, his friends, his village and all the tailed beasts ending Naruto for good for the sake of humanity.

There in the middle of massacre stood courier's skeleton, which already had flesh, his body regenerating. "That guy… was a retard." The courier concluded and began his walk out of the crater.

The End

For Anyone Else Who dislikes Naruto:

2010/03/30/why-naruto-has-become-shit-tier-shounen/


	2. Chapter 2 - NOT REALLY JUST EXPLANATION

No new chapter, but I will refresh this story since I can.

Also, only one chapter, but it is more than enough. Last thing I want to do is waste my time writting about this steaming pile of shit, called Naruto.

It is my way of fighting this cancer. There are over 36k of Naruto Crossovers, which are all basically the same.

Naruto goes into universe - Naruto becomies the messiah, using his 'TOTALLY-NOT-MAGIC-JUTSUS' and his most powerful 'Talk-No-Jutsu', which lets him turn everyone to his side by talking and then - NARUTO GETS ALL THE WOMEN, FAME AND WINS.

There I just summarized all Naruto crossovers, no need to thank me. I am just doing my job.


End file.
